Match Me – Not


I have grown into being single and quite enjoy it, except for those times when I would enjoy the company of a funny, well-versed, attractive, kind, open-minded, spiritual and wealthy man.  But I haven’t met anyone in these parts that fits the bill.

So I decided, at the prompting of some friends, to try out online dating.  For anyone who knows me even a little bit, you will probably be surprised that I signed up – I even surprised myself.  I just thought it would be interesting to give it a try and, at the very least, it would provide material to write about.  So, I signed up for a three-month trial.

Online dating is a perfectly good option for busy people and many have met the love of their lives; however, at the other end of the spectrum, online dating is filled with people like Slim Pickins who lives in Podunk, Florida; or I.M. Loser who has never been able to carry on a personal relationship; or Conn Mann who runs any kind of scam he can.

I am almost at the end of my three-month commitment, and it has been quite an experience.  I have met some nice men but far fewer than the weird ones, like:

“40 year old man seeking woman 60-68”   – Right.  Beyond the obvious question of “What in the world are you thinking?” is: “Why would I want to date someone in my sons’ age range?”

I like snuggling and cuddling on the sofa.”  What man uses those words?  Better question, what is he really trying to say?

“I have quite listen lots of my interested which I believe it will help for now.”  Huh?

“Good dinner and walks at sunset.”  Yawn

“Business networking”  Only interest listed.  Bigger yawn.

“You can take me along shopping at the mall.  I will sit in the waiting room while you get your nails done.”  Right – that is exactly what I am looking for.

“I like holding hands, PDAs and risky sex.”  Can’t even comment on this one.

“55 year old man in Los Angeles seeking woman 43-69 within 50 miles.”  Well, let me try some quick math here.  We are about 2,500 miles apart with a difference of 3 time zones.  Quit winking at me.

“59 year old woman seeking man 55-65”  Wait, now I am confused.

Only email me if you are a size 8 or smaller.” Delete, delete, delete.

Then there are the online names:


One guy who sent me an email looked suspiciously like Paul Hollywood, one of the judges on The Great British Baking Show.  (I recognized him because he is so very good looking, in my humble opinion.)  Upon closer look, I saw that this guy had actually used Paul’s photos, copied from the Internet I suppose.  Of course I reported him and his profile was removed.  Not a week later, the photos were back on with another user’s name.  Rascals.

Another man wanted to get together but he was in Egypt at the time and would let me know when he was back in town.  I envisioned the next email telling me he was stuck in Egypt and needed me to send him money to get out.  Now that may very well be my suspicious nature, but……

I have come to the end of my quest for the elusive match in the world of online dating and have decided to call it quits……oh wait!  ImaFunnySpiritualAttractiveGuy just contacted me.  Maybe I will see what he is all about.

Ciao miei amici.  Wish me luck.

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